I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
