Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
