Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
