I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
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