FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
