She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Randomize
