she looked like the before picture.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Actions speak louder than pants.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
