naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
