so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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