Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
