new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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