margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
