hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
