I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I just blew my weed a kiss
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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