We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
