I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
