my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
