she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
