Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
