have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
