tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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