dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
