the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
