we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
