the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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