Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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