whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
