I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
