You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
