Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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