i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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