Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
