Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
