WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
