We named our party play list daddy issues
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize