Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
