so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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