The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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