Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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