Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
