Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
did i just pee glitter
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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