first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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