watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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