Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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