he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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