We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
