ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He? As in you personified your dick?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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