Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
