Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He uses pillows to masturbate.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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