I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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